.
It’s a simple question, really
One that should involve a finger pointing
Some words communicating
And a solid plan of action
But sometimes
It’s hard to tell
.
Sometimes, it’s a deep fatigue in the legs
Can’t stand, aching hip ligaments
A feeling
That my whole center, holding
Will crumble
A building, bombed
.
Sometimes, it’s a tender sacrum
Feet on fire
Lightning strikes radiating down thighs
A need to sit
But a fear it will trigger more
So I just keep switching
Over and over
Again
.
But sometimes, it’s a gutting sorrow
A hopeless, invisible knife
Twisting me hollow
I’m trapped in some detention center
A black vision
An empty future
A silent, haunting night
Sometimes
It hurts so bad
In there, somewhere
I can’t point to it
Because it’s taken me over
Whole
.
And then there’s those rare days
Where everything seems fine
Where I question my sanity
Where I wonder if it’s drama
Where I tiptoe in fear of anything
Triggering it again
.
None of this
Physical or mental
Shows up on the screen
There’s no proof, no plan, no line
Of action
None of this
Can I really point to
I can’t tell you where it hurts
It’s everywhere
It’s nowhere
It’s inside of me
It’s outside of me
It’s
Everything
.
It’s a simple question, really
One that should involve a finger pointing
Some words communicating
And a solid plan of action
But sometimes
I can’t tell you
And most of the time
You can’t hear
Because, you know
It’s inside
But it’s outside too
And I know you feel it
And there’s no tests to guide you
We can’t figure out where it hurts
Because
It’s everything
Letting Go 