The Kitchen Witch

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She throws off the sheepskin

Stretching her wiry body that’s been through so much

She smiles, taking in this simple home she’s created

A hearthfire crackles in the corner

The scent of woodsmoke fills the air

She

Is happy

.

Shuffling into the kitchen

Before her are odd shaped and gleaming

Glass jars filled with all sorts of herbal beauties

Golds and greens and sunflower yellows

One in particular calls her aim

.

Trusting

She pulls down the shining canister

And shakes a bit of the plant into a pot

Cold water trickles from the well-sourced tap

A match hisses as she brings the stovetop to life

.

Humming and stirring

She’s thinking of magic

All of the things she’d like to bring in

Stories are words, words given meaning

And speaking them, infusing

Like matchlight, will bring them to life

.

What stories she wonders

Does she want to create and dance in today?

Here she lies focus, here she sings into being

.

The Kitchen Witch

She dances in the kitchen

She thinks back to times

When this place was but a cage

She recalls the journey, the transmutation

From being assigned to duty here

From being accused of poisonings and torture here

Through the epigenetic spirals

She’s arrived, finally

To delighting in creation here

At her healing cauldron

.

For her

Only for her

And when she wishes,

She crafts things here for others

And when she wishes

She invites the young ones

So struggling with nourishment

And body

And being alive in this cold, confusing world

Sometimes, when she wishes

She sits them right down at her splintering wooden table

And they drink tea

And talk about dreams

And look out the window onto her garden

.

The Kitchen Witch

She remembers

She re-members

She hums and she stirs

She focuses her stories, her words, her

Spell-ing

Into the waiting and willing plant potions before her

She feels the soft fur of the familiar brushing against her ankles

She smiles

She is grateful

For this long road

And how the magic

Of the Kitchen Witch

Found its way

Into her heart

Grimoire: Sacred Space

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What if

The deep hunger for emptiness

The torturous aims to achieve

Were the only ways she knew

To create space for herself, within herself

The only way

To approximate a clearing of the maelstrom

Energies

Voices

Visions

Ancestral beggings

Unaligned cords and commitments

His energy

His energy

His energy

Swirling like a tangle of poison

A burden, forced to carry

In her pit

.

What if

This was the only way she knew

To feel clear?

What if

Releasing cellular matter

Kilo by kilo

Actually felt like releasing

Old imprinted matter

That no longer serves?

Matter she had no choice to receive

Mother, her energy

Her energy

Her energy

.

What if

She could create

An equally powerful tool

To clear, to clean, to build

Space

Without destruction

To create

Space

Without suffering

To create

Space

For her full, joyous being

Kicking those freeloaders out of the window

To let in the light

To take up root and grow

Large

.

She only knew

The tool of going without

She only knew

The feeling of nothing

Hovering in her stomach

As a sort of power

To claim her space

But ironically

This tool, precisely applied

Only destroyed her

.

What if, instead

She poured her obsessive, meticulous

Attention

On magick

On psychic realm protections

On creating shimmering boundary

Crafting space

Space

Space

For the altars–

The Dark Goddess Altar

The Inner Child Altar

The Altar of the Shadowy realms, exalted

Occupying her hands

And her minutes

And her mind

With teachings

And community

And reminders

That her body is not broken

And that she is not confused

And that this roiling mass within her

Does not belong,

And that she has the power to clear it

To claim her own space

To tend her own altars

To make room for the brilliance of life

Urging to live through her in Beauty

.

What if, instead

Of arranging every single molecule

Every single gram, second, kilo

To somehow engender the feeling

Of the deep, deep certain emptiness of hunger

What if, instead

She occupied magician’s mind

Throwing down pathwork

Fighting valiantly for

The creation of true space

Sacred space

Defending

An incomparable

Uniqueness

A remarkable

Glistening starlight

A temple, lined with offerings

Her sacred space

Her sacred space

Her

Sacred

Space

.

Of Skin

Grimoire: Bone Magic

Something a little different this week, my friends! Here is an excerpt from the semi-fictional grimoire in my upcoming novel, The Kitchen Witch. Enjoy!

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BONE MAGIC: HONORING THE LOVE OF BONES

There is a particular fondness for bones amongst many with eating difficulties, mostly in seeing them jut out from oneself as proof of ultimate thinness. While glorifying thin bodies is obviously a twisted carryover from our fashion worlds, I also feel it has more sacred roots.

In many cultures around the world, there is what is known as the Crone figure. This has often been portrayed as the ugly, wicked old woman in the forest in our contemporary times. However, in other cultures this archetype held great power and respect rather than disgust. The Crone symbolized facing death, destruction and the dying of the old to make room for the new. Many stories described her, sitting by a fire, throwing sticks and stones for divination, her countenance adorned with various feathers and skeletal pieces from animals. She was also often skeletal looking, not for fashion’s sake, but to depict one on the edge of life and death, working with those mysteries.

The Crone worked with death, strove to understand it. Her bones, both protruding from her body and adorning her body, represented this connection, this acceptance of this great Mystery of our experience as humans.

The Crone honored the bones. I’d like to propose that one struggling with a restrictive eating disorder, who spends so much effort in looking for, searching for her bones, is a Crone in hiding. I propose she is not looking for thinness for the sake of being thin, but that she is searching for this Crone within her, to see its evidence within her and the collective psyche. She does not know it, but if she survives the initiation, she will become the Crone.

So, in honor of the Crone, in honor of our searching, starving, scratching, and seeking her to reveal herself through our skin, I present this chapter. It outlines some ways to take this love of bones, and this yearning for Crone, and to embrace it, create with it, learn from it in life-giving ways. That instead of twisting this deep yearning into a practice that is literally killing off the potential to honor the Crone’s wisdom, instead we will embrace it.

Grimoire: Start Where You Are

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“But what about the food?”

The young girl asked

The old, wise eyes gazing back upon her

“All of these philosophical waxings

All of this spiritual idealism

But what

About

The

Food??

I’ve talked too long

And thought too much

And tried my best

To daydream of better days

Beyond the constant need to measure

Beyond the fear of eating different foods

Beyond the rituals, the timings, the incessant hopelessness

That I’ll never be free

But I can’t see

I can’t see beyond

This cage

What

About

That?!?”

.

The old woman smiled through the bars

Deep compassion and a wry spice, wrinkling

She took a breath, and said

“Start where you are, dearie

That’s howcome you can’t see out

You must

Start inside

.

“Start inside, blessing all the furniture

That makes up this sacred mind-home

Although it is a cage

It has, after all

Kept you very safe.”

.

Peppered braid moved across shoulder

As she looked out to field

“If you measure, bless those cups

If you weigh, bless that scale

If you time-tick, give offerings to the sacredness of Chronos

If you eat the same thing

Every single day

Scour the grimoires

For the enchanting qualities of these foods

See where they are speaking magic

To you

.

Stir clockwise

Prayers for freedom, release

Into the liquids you can consume

Carve spells for change, vision

Across the same, hard bar

You consume over and over again

Like the slaves in deep dark territory

Rolling cigars with dirt and leaves for Legba

Start…

Where you are.”

.

The girl looked at the woman

Who stared out to the field

Girl-mouth agape

And devouring

The words she never knew

She needed to hear

Those blasphemous and wild

Life-giving, not enabling

Trickster words

“Start

Where you are”

.

And so,

She retreated from the small opening

That looked out to the woman

And her eyes, and her smile, and her

Spice

She turned and looked around

At the blank and dismal walls

Of her tiny, tiny world

She lit a candle

Holding it up to it all

And start

She did

Grimoire: Holy Roots

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This is not a glorification

But an exploration

A

Questioning

.

What lies beneath

The veneer of psychiatric diagnosis

The attempt to box in

The wideness, the vastness, the depth

Of what a soul is truly living

In this lifetime

Across centuries

In their own bodies

And perhaps

The traumas and wisdoms inherited

How can this be lassoed into a code

.

This is not a glorification

But an exploration

A

Questioning

For instance,

Of the roots

To the incredible and terrifying

Pull towards starving the self,

Of what urges move a person

To come so close to the brink of death

Beyond the need for prideful appreciation

Of external appearances

Of what lies beneath

This seemingly macabre practice

.

Although such actions appear crazy

And pills are at the ready to

Bring the sufferer back to “normal”

Why are no efforts made

Why no attention paid

To the history of fasting

As ritual, as rite of passage

Why not

At the same time as necessary treating, feeding

An exploring of the need to honor, and update the ancestral lineage

Not just shame and re-cover

This precious pulling

.

Why no contemplation

On the possibilities

Of the drastic behaviors leading to institutions

As being an unconscious need for dismemberment, separation

From enmeshed family systems, from unwell tribe?

Why no efforts made

At looking to the archetypes

The Ascetic

The Monk

The Nun

The self-immolating

Witch

Who has taken the external inquisition of yore

Upon herself to display?

.

Why no questioning

Of possible cellular memories, unearthing

Waking up in a lifetime, reeling

With no tools, no guide

And certainly no place

In a high school?

.

Yes, science, I know

Yes, double blind studies, I know

Yes, things we can see and touch and monitor

I know

.

But

What may they be trying to teach

These ones, struggling with unreasonable urges of death

Isolation, and unshakeable need

To practice cruel, strict regimen

That strips them to core

.

Why no attention paid to

The fact they may be

Canaries in the coal mine

Harbingers reflecting the morass

Of twisted expectations we face daily

Screaming at us with bones jutting

Mirroring what we are doing to ourselves

Just how starved the soul of our species might be?

.

I wish there were

Past life explorations

And contemplations

Of political protesters

Of Gandhi and Cesar Chavez

Of Siddhas alchemizing world pain

Of Ramadan

Of the Seventeenth of Tamuz

Of Vrata

Of Sallekhana

Of Nigredo, Albedo

Of Lent and all the age-old practices

That may be arising in their bones

.

I wish there were

Talks of an empath nature

Simply explaining that for some

Things feel like too much

And of course

Reducing, measuring, clearing feel good

They are the only tools at hand

In this cultural waste land

Why no validation of this possible fact

While also finding ways to give new methods

Finding ways to match mentors, elders

Finding ways

To guide

.

Are these the holy roots?

The holy roots of what is deemed disorder?

These diagnostic delineations cloaking

What is really

Sacred?

What lies beneath

The veneer of psychiatric diagnosis

The attempt to box in

The wideness, the vastness, the depth

Of what a soul is truly living?

.

Holy Roots?

Are there

Holy Roots?

This is not a glorification

But an exploration

A call for treatment and

An honoring of the possibility

Of the pull towards the ancient sacred

Within

.

*Thank you for reading! This is a very complex idea I am trying to bring into form clearly, it is a work in progress. Comments welcome :}}

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Ingal, The Kitchen Witch

As I have mentioned before, I am deep in the throes of editing and planning to publish a trilogy called, “The Kitchen Witch’s Way.” This is a series about Regina, a skeptical woman who has tried everything to get over her eating problems and who has found herself at a place of despair and meaninglessness about it all. She’s found Ingal, an old woman healer that purports to have some new ideas about treating eating disorders, and Regina is giving it one last shot by going to meet up with her and hear what she’s all about.

Upon meeting Regina, Ingal makes sure to clarify with her what she is, and is not, here to provide if they work together. Regina has had previous dialogue with Ingal asking her about how “treatment” works, how working with a Kitchen Witch could possibly do anything different than all of the providers she’s seen. Ingal speaks to her in this moment as she’s arrived at the mountain property about this topic. I’m still working on her character, but I’d love to know what you think about her voice!

“Welcome Regina. How was the trip? So good to finally meet, me lass!

Now, do you have that paperwork for me? Have ye signed the agreement? It’s a very important, that you know this work isn’t about fixing you. That I am not here to do that, nor am I trained in such matters. That I be a bit different than the therapist, or the dietitian, or the doctor, or the treatment center, or the meal plan that you have undoubtedly consulted with and worked with for many years.

Nay, I be one who’ll help you explore the spiritual side of your journey, who is not here to fix you or help you to get over or get rid of the eating problems. No, I’m not here to help you get rid of anything!

Me dear, I be here to help you explore why the “problem” has come, the perspective of why it’s right, and of why it may not be backin’ down…so that you will listen to what it has to teach!

I be here to walk you through the deeper journey of understanding of illness. Why has a’ the spirit of the illness come? Why it’sa chosen you and why it ain’t given up until you get its message? These be the questions.

Now, as ye read on that there paperwork, if ye have a physical emergency or a psychological or traumatic breakdown, I be here with you, but let’s be real. I know you have access and know very full well you got to go to your treatment team for that. But for me and you, we be explorin’ the meaning. We be explorin’ the sacredness. We be explorin’ the possibility of what you’ve been dealing with…being something not wrong, but right.

Mind ye, skeptical beauty, that this is an exploration. An experiment in seeing what might happen if we re-story your journey in this way. I don’t claim to have the answers, but I do think you may be tired of knockin’ on the same doors over and over again. That you may be seeking something deeper than all that’s come before. Not that it’s wrong or unhelpful, it helped you get where you are. And you are here! You be at my door, you be at my crossroads, because you want to look through a different set a’ goggles. That’s what we’ll be doin’ together, and seein’ what that unfolds.

Do you understand? My lass, do you want to join me? If so, let us begin!”

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The Kitchen Witch’s Way Moves Ahead!

for those of you who don’t know, i am working on a magical realism trilogy called The Kitchen Witch’s Way. this mystical romp is a tale centered around a skeptical young woman, her run-ins with a rascally kitchen witch and her encounters with the grimoire that rewrites everything she’s been programmed to believe about her challenging relationship with food and her body.

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there’s some peeks into the actual grimoire matter throughout the series with an eventual goal of releasing the full grimoire as a separate text. plus, it’s cottage-core! the witch’s cabin in the woods, the blossoming herb gardens, and the town setting complete with a tarot-reader’s bohemian caravan, black cat familiars and the town’s happening cafe and music venue, The Bitter End are just a few of the reasons you might want to spend some time in this world. i’m still working on my elevator pitch so judge me if you will but that’s the current jist :}

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i am writing here today to share my excitement about having just hired and put in my first deposit for a developmental editor for the first book in the series! they’re all basically written, but this is only the beginning of the trail. i’m not entirely sure how i will finance the entire journey but putting the magick into the pot of possibilities and seeing what happens.

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i am working on a Kickstarter campaign and will share those links once the book is actually road-worthy of such things for those who may be interested. a collection of some of the poems i’ve shared here may show up as a gift for supporters. it is honestly a bit overwhelming all the little ins and out of the journey but as always micro-goals are my friend.

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it is a long road to self-publishing (see developmental editing stage in the oldie-but-goodie graphic below) but this trilogy is definitely one of my life/death goals and i will pursue it to the ends. stay tuned and thanks for being with me on the ride! 🧙🔮📖 ~raVen