Quest-ions, Quest-ions

Her spirit’s essence?

Mental clarity

Inventiveness

Originality

Even while underwater

Cloudy and lost

She grasps the hilt

Thrusts the blade through the murkiness

And pierces the sky

The true calling of her heart?

Satiety

Satiety!

On the other side of terror

Of what fullness raises from the dead

Her heart desires

Emotional contentment

Passion and vitality

Experienced internally

And radiating out

Welcoming, not fearing

To love deeply

To receive deeply

The true wisdom of her mind?

“The Moon’s gates reveal the splendor of the soul”

She is the chooser, the tough-love romantic

She is the determined one

Aimed to face any self-delusion

Honed to meet difficult decisions

Created to resolve difficult relationships

She is continually put in places of hard choices

Yet through the tempering

Has emerged gifted

In turning difficult lead

Into gold

She’s an eye for spotting dishonesty

She’s little tolerance for self-deception, illusion

She’s the tester of old patterns, within and without

One who navigates insanity

In a life-affirming, wily, trickster kind of way

She’s faced her darkness

Crawling, blind and naked through the two towers

Once shivering,

She now can cackle with the Moon

What then

Is the purpose of her being?

They say it is Science

Science!

Objective, logical

Rational thinking

Rational!

From the realms of the Moon

One who’s gone through the madness,

Coming out rational!

She has faced (most of) the demons

And shedded the societal skins

She is here to communicate

About something which is completely

New

Balanced

She opens her mouth

And puts forth threatening paradigms

In a way that will be received

Haha!

Perhaps her purpose

Is to be

A poet

🙃

Spiral

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I start here

Here, in the darkness

Here, in the first traumatic encounter

Here, at the bottom of the well

I look up

A pinpoint, beaming

The light, it reaches me

Here, at the bottom of the well

It’s not so dark now

I can see the wall

I can see there are steps

Mossy, dripping

Steps curving round

Steps reaching upward

Steps finding a way

Here, at the bottom of the well

I name the demon

I take the first step

I struggle, fight

I do all I can to release

Something shifts, lifted

I think

I’ve found freedom

Climbing up the spiral

Out into the world I go

Smiling and impassioned

It’s summer all day long

Goals, certainty and drive

I leave the well

Far, far behind

One day life happens

And I’m turning inward

Some center, pulling

Back, back, staring at the wall

Mossy, drippy

Shadows overtake me

Struggles…same, but different

Bawling, screaming, pleading

Struck by the illusion

The slaying was not final

Here, at the bottom of the well

Am I

At the bottom of the well?

I did not descend the staircase

And yet I am writhing with this demon again

I peer down into the darkness

Into that which I have risen up from

I am there, but I am also here

Can we call this progress?

Or like the seasons

A spring, returning to winter?

A spiral, dancing with serpent

Dancing, not battling, with darkness?

In and out

Rising, but always returning?

Peeling the layers once anew?

Why would I think it’s any different

Creation, destruction

In and out again

But still

This mind yearns for the final

Release

I peer down into the darkness

Into that which I have risen up from

I am there, but I am also here

Here

In the never-ending

Healing

Spiral

Songs From the Cage

Blue sky

Sparkling dew

A fresh path

My feet crunch

As usual

An open door

Cement halls

I enter into

Goosebump flesh

The shadows, cold

At right

Another portal

I stand at threshold

I look inside

Four walls

Crouching body

Hair ragged

Face in hands

Sun beaming

Through steel bars

No response

She is crying

I step inside

I ask for permission

I can tell she needs

But shakes her buried head

I stand fast, respecting

I tell her I love her

Guitar in hand

I want to make her a song

One eye peeps over

And then returns to cave

I tell her I want to know

I tell her I want to hear

I tell her

I want to make her a song

Why don’t you leave this cell?

I ask

The door is open

Why don’t you stretch your legs?

Warm your face, in the noonday sun?

I tell her I don’t want to shame her

I tell her

I want to understand

Murmuring, only muffled voices return

But I’ve skills of translation

I lean in, I listen

Through the tattered, spit-soaked cloth

Through the greasy, matted hair

I hear her say

I am forgotten

I hear her say

I am forgotten

I hear her say

I am forgotten

I strum the metal strings

And I repeat to her

I am forgotten

She looks up, shyly

No sound

But her lips form the words

No vision

I strum the metal strings

And repeat

No vision

This time, her head remains uncovered

She’s watching my fingers

She’s watching my voice

I strum the metal strings

I repeat

I am forgotten

No vision

She croaks, in a whisper

Why fight?

I look at her, nodding

I strum the metal strings

I sing

I am forgotten

No vision

Why fight?

Now her head is back in between

Those knees and she is rocking

Now she is singing, softly

I am forgotten

No vision

Why fight?

And then, in between rocking

I can see her shoulders heaving

She softly murmurs

Am I going crazy?

I am wandering, wandering

I cannot get out

Help me

Help me…

No one can ever

Help me

I strum the metal strings

Wishing I could sing

Into her hollow jaded eyes

And I repeat

I am forgotten

No vision

Why fight

Am I going crazy?

Going

CRAZY?

Wandering

Help me

No one…

A few strums, voice silent

I am rocking now, too

Watching her little body

Huddled in the sunrays

Weeping, weeping

I start to hum

And I add my own line, to her

I simply say

I know

Again, her eye emerges

Out of that dark cave she’s been trapped in so long

I can see the tears, glistening

I can tell she has received

I know

I continue humming

I know

And I keep strumming

And I hold her

In this coldness

Distance between us

But some great tremble in the air

Humming, our song

And I know

Astral Aspirations

This is the last in a three-part series. If you’d like to read the first two parts, you can find them listed at the end of this post. Enjoy!

From the beating core, down the path of Death

I now arrive at SEVEN

At SEVEN

I AM Transmutation

Leaving behind industrial mind

Seeking deeper meaning

I AM open to medicine

Finding me daily

I AM bringing soul alive

Into the tortured places

Places left behind by western diagnostics

Infusing hope, depth, relations with unseen

I AM imagining possibilities for the personal and collective

Dreaming up what’s right with it all, the magic’s hand

Making space for the view, crystal clear

I AM

Transmutation

Fresh from this expansive field

Teetering along the Tower’s girder

I arrive at EIGHT

At the EIGHT, I am Symbolization

I AM that which takes pen in hand

I AM that which opens mouth to sing

I AM that which splatters color, image

I AM that which weaves passionate story

I AM throwing together symbols to mark my knowing

I AM next era, beyond heiroglyphic and letter

Beyond rune, ogham, deeds engraved on bones

I AM that which reflects, communicating

I AM scribe of that which I want my life to symbolize

Altering present, future, past

I AM

Symbolization

Scroll in hand, Sun beneath my feet

I walk confidently into NINE

At the NINE, I am Absorption

Here, I know I face my own depths one more time

Here, I AM clarifying that which I choose to assimilate

Here, I AM aware of, not manipulated by

Here, I AM reviewing and casting off

Here, I AM selecting and transforming

Here, I AM diving into the vast sea

Eyes open

Here, at the NINE

I am Absorption

Now, awake in The Dream

Ambling upon the Universe’s path

I arrive at TEN

Here, I Am Radiance

Here, I AM all that has come before, shining

Here, I AM emitting what I choose, into the river

Here, I AM beaming from a clarified point

Here, I AM walking

Walking as Universe

Walking as my own personal dream of the future

Here, I AM revealing

Here, I AM offering

At TEN, I am all that has been, is now

And will forever be, transformed

At TEN

I AM The Tree

I AM

The Tree

~Thank you for reading! This is the last in a three-part series, and if you’d like to read the first two parts, you can find them here:

Supernal Affirmations

Ethical Proclamations

And if you’ve been with me the whole way, I hope you enjoyed my machinations on pathwork and The Tree of Life :}}

Ethical Proclamations

~Hello! This is part two of a three-part poem. If you’d like to read the first, you can find it here: https://eatfreeevenifithurts.home.blog/2025/12/21/supernal-affirmations/

Crossing the Abyss,

Congealing, coming into matter

I arrive at

FOUR

Here, at FOUR

I am Stabilization

I am anchored lining

I am blood cells, nourished

I am muscle fibers, relaxed, strong

I am deep ocean, between wave and glass

I am fence, creating safe boundary

I am the Queen, the hand that cares

I am mirror, reflecting plan, turn back towards body

I am

Stabilization

It is only a matter of time

Before I arrive at

FIVE

Here, at FIVE,

I am Cataclysm

I am Death

I am the end of one known stage

When I appear, I am tragic and devastating

Yet I am that which leads to a stage beyond

I am confusion and chaos

A sign, in The Dream, that something new is being born

I am that which tempers endless creation

Destroying, consuming, breaking down

In service of homeostasis

I am illness, reorganizing, calling home to what matters

I am sudden, potentially disastrous change

I am making room for the cutting edge

I am

Cataclysm

Gratefully, I arrive at

SIX

Here, at SIX,

I am Synergy

I am the center that holds

I am the eye that sees the sacred

I am the heart that beats at the core

I am the nucleus, bringing all into connection

Making meaning, sense, to the complexity of experience

I am that which sees that I am connected

The Earth and my body,

That that the symptoms that plague

Might be messengers to help understand

I am that which lies at the nexus, knowing

That by seeing my body’s difficulties as connected

To what’s happening with the planet and my fellow beings

I may find more interest in taking action

To create a more balanced and nourishing reality

Beyond the hopeless, arid and harrowing past

Taking form, accepting matter, voicing Knowing

I am

Synergy

And I continue down the Tree

~Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the final section of this three-part poem next week :}

Supernal Affirmations

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I start at

ZERO

I am Space

I am not empty, but frothing with proliferating matter

I go back and forth between existing

And melting

I am the Fool, yet also the Field, wandering

Up and down the Tree

I am Nothing

I am Everything

I am

Space

I then become

ONE

I am Centration

I am the center

I am the center of origin

I am an originating, original point of Universe evolving

I am Universe

Walking in its own unique

Never before, never after

Kind of way

I am beingness, a loving beingness

Following the trail of scintillating synchronicity

Creating stories and desperately needed meanings

With whatever approaches

I am

Centration

Furthering, I arrive at

TWO

I am Attraction

Converging, cording

Dancing, with cause and effect

I am the steed that charges towards aim

I am the cup that welcomes the water

I am the seed that absorbs the sun

I am magnetic, drawing excruciating pain

And terrifying joy

For further information

I am

Attraction

Breathless, I become

THREE

I am Creation
I am a combination of capabilities and inspirations

Of attractions and passions

Of desires that cause me to create new things

I am the doubt that prevents my catenation

I am the hope that holds the door open

I am the one who sees patterns, meaning

In the darkest of dark

I am the indifference to right form and presentation

I am the one who expresses what is now

I am

Creation

From Everything, from Nothing

I have come

Somehow agreeing to this confusing tribulation

Pushing forward, pushing through

Heading into the Abyss

Branches, seeking core, seeking roots

A triangle becoming, eyes opening

Sometimes screaming at what lies on horizon

A Supernal unfolding, a blind cosmological commitment

From Everything, and Nothing

I Am

~Thanks for reading! This a multi-part reflection and will continue for the next few weeks. If you liked what you read here, stay tuned :}

Sunshine

Before, I was the Sun

Beaming heart across the eons

Warming all near and distant planets

I couldn’t see them

But I knew my children were there

Somewhere out in the vast darkness

I held them, in love

I thought I knew them,

Each of my offspring

Although at a distance

I thought I understood

But, after the terror

Somehow, I am now in the cold

Trans-Neptunian

I have become, one of them

Now, I hope that the Sun exists

Now, I yearn for Her rays to find me

Now, I just wish something would hold me

Alone, out here, for so so long

Now, I understand

Before, I was the Sun

Warming all near and distant planets

I thought I knew them

And held them in love

Now,

Out here in the cold, aching

I can hardly see

I don’t even know if She exists

I fear I may self-combust, with no presence to notice

Now, I am children

Now

I understand

Something Bigger

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As the first rays of sunlight

Melt the crystals of dark

I ignite the candle

I close my eyes

And call upon the well ones

All the lineage holders, and medicine people

The protectors, the guides

I give offering, and I call

I give thanks

For all I have been given

This breath

This warm abode

Sustenance and community

A broken, but open heart

And yet I also ask

I ask for what is so gaping

I ask for what echoes, loudly through every sore fiber

Of this threadbare casing

I ask for

Something bigger

To put these hands to

To invest this pulsing in

To immerse this whole existence towards

Something bigger

Than this pain

Something bigger

Than the unpredictable aching

Than the hours of bracing, pretending

To make it through a day

Something bigger

Than the screaming agony

Of the little one inside that just wants

To be done with it all

Something bigger

So the intensity of these daggers

Shrinks in importance

A purpose so immense, so joyful

That when they come, these jagged bolts, stabbing

Are but a reminder of what I’m here to do

They are in the background

Of this bigger story

Of this cause so encompassing

I rise looking forward

Actually looking forward

To another day

Something bigger

I call out to the well ones

To all the ancient, knowing faces

On the whispers of the wind

To show me

To guide me

To help me

Find this

Something bigger

Than waking

Despairing, dreading

Another day unable to see or hear or thrive

Something bigger

Than wandering, confused and shattered

The volume of agony

Riddling my

Entire

Waking

World

Of course, if possible

Bring healing

Lead me to teachers, teachings

Practices, techniques

Herbs, medicines

That may restore the roots of this torture

A recovery so complete, I look back in gratitude to its lessons

A mending so undeniable, I offer my heart compassionately

To those who walk this night

But please

If it is to be

If my teaching is how to co-exist with this deep, deep suffering

Please show me

Please guide me

Please bring magic

To this desperate, hopeless one inside

Please!

Something bigger

Something

Bigger

In Vigil

In vigil, for you,

Pyrenean Ibex
Mezzarine Butterfly
Sea Mink
Baiji River Dolphin of the Yangtze
Mediterranean Monk Seal
Irish Elk
Pyrenean Brown Bear
Imperial Woodpecker
Pied Raven

In vigil, for you

Large Copper Butterfly
Aurochs
Passenger Pigeon
Large Blue Butterfly
European Lion
Caucasian Moose
Sardinian Lynx

Eurasian Wolf

West African Rhino

In vigil, for you

Great Auk
Caspian Tiger
Mexican Grizzly Bear
Caribbean Monk Seal
Queen of Sheba’s Gazelle
Japanese Sea Lion
Majorcan Hare
Silver Studded Blue Butterfly
Dodo

In vigil, for you

Minorcan Giant Dormouse
South China Tiger
Sardinian Giant Shrew
Ratas Island Lizard
Giant Tortoise of La Pinta Island
Cape Elephant

European Ass
Tarpan
Short-haired Bumblebee

In vigil for you,

Blue Stag Beetle

Eastern Cougar

Steller’s Sea Cow
Cascade Mountains Wolf
Bermuda Night Heron
Arizona Jaguar
Bali Tiger
Bahaman Barn Owl
Formosan Clouded Leopard

In vigil for you,

The list goes on and on

The human world proceeds

But all around us

You

Are disappearing

I light a candle

I sit, in vigil

Oh, species of this great Earth

I say

Your name

Since 2011, many peoples honor today, November 30th, as Remembrance for Lost Species Day. By lighting a candle, making an altar, or simply reading the names of the extinct ones, you can join in this deep remembering if you feel to. A full list of extinct species is here: https://awionline.org/content/list-endangered-species

And for more information about this Remembrance day, go to: https://www.lostspeciesday.org/?page_id=25

The Fullness, Again

The candle is lit

The murmured pleading prayers, spoken

After so many shaved, hollowed dreams

And countless, starved ritual

The Fullness, is here

Again

It rises, serpentine into throat

It pulses, leaden in core

It reminds, of so much so long ago

It holds

The unspoken

Tasked at receiving

Despite its presence

My hands are shaking

And everything is crumbling

I wish I had a voice for this essence

I wish I had a way to describe why

I don’t, they do, and still I must keep going

Allowing this creamy reminder

Past all of my cage’s bars

What will become of me?

If I keep this drawbridge lowered

If I allow what for so long could not enter

Over beast-laden moats, poison tipped arrow assaults

What will become of me

If I just let the Fullness

Take over?

Just a tiny little feeling

Like a dream for some, forgotten and moved past quickly

For me, whole decades have been planned

Strategic and decimating

Towards its avoidance

It rises, serpentine in throat

It pulses, leaden in core

Challenging me

To turn back

Or to feel it

Again

This Fullness

To feel it and not run

To feel it and keep going

To feel it and let everything I’ve ever known

Crumble aimlessly to ashes

To feel it and let the violating dreams come

To feel it and let the throbbing pain come

To feel it and let the pacing

The ordering

The counting

The containing

The weighing

The Tower…

To let it

all

fall

down

Who am I

At the base of this rubble

Feeling this Fullness

Without guard, without claw

Feeling this unnamable terror

Feeling this that may never end

Feeling this that may never be spoken

Who am I

If I keep going

Letting it all in past what once were thick, steel bars

No ritual to contain or banish

Who am I

Who am I?

Who

I am sitting here

The candle, lit

The murmured pleading prayers, spoken

I am letting it all in

I am shaking

I am feeling the Fullness

And the hot, creamy liquid cascading down my throat

Adding to what has once come before

I am

Not sure of what may come

Or if blankness or passion or madness may arise

Who am I?

Who

Without this

I am

I am?

I AM