Teeth

.

Two weeks ago

Amidst blossoming elder

And beneath circling wings

I found

A body

.

Picked over

By no doubt the wings above

Its half carcass lie oozing

On the country road before me

.

Still too new

For retching odors to deter

I brushed past flies

I stooped to look closer

.

By fur and tooth

By tail and curl

It was you

Opossum

.

Hello, I said

Greeting this particular and

Synchronistic crossing

And began to explain

How opaque I feel

How imaginary, evanescent

How, although not really so

I feel

Quite dead

.

You

Your rotting fleshy backbone

Reminded me

Of Kalsched’s concept

Of the internal saboteur

The killer inside

The one who kills

To protect

.

Your blood-stained claws

Brought the echo of his words

That sometimes

The tactic we learn to survive

Years later can actually kill us

Even if only from inside our dream

.

I wondered

Gazing upon your decaying snarl

Whether my own miraculous ability

To play dead

To play with

Death

To…Disappear

From a life that threatened

I pondered if you were here

To remind me

.

This forgetting

This vague sense of empty

Vacuous

Purposeless

Blank void that haunts relentless

Is this

My own internal saboteur

Killing me

Kind of

Before anyone else has the chance to?

This part figuring

Each time I try to rise

That it’s better to live half dead

And hidden

Wiped clean of all of what I know and love

Better

Than to risk the burning

The violation

The utter despair

The consequence

Of what it means to be fully alive

With what I am here to be

.

Hmm

There’s a thought

And with no real idea what to do with it

Glad for the depth it rendered

I thanked you

And hoped for the wild ones

To leave me your teeth as a reminder

.

I walked away

Looking back at your sacrifice

And the meaning I made of finding it

In the midst of my hollow wandering

I thanked you

And turned

Towards home

.

Over the next days

I found myself scraping

The various stages of your

Disappearing corpse

Off the terrible pavement

Back into the brush

Where the process could unfold in beauty

Back and forth

Your body kept showing up on that hot asphalt

Probably a raven

Or a vulture

Pick pick picking away

And by default

The weight of cruel tires

Breaking you

Each time

You were more clean

And more

Gone

.

Finally

The day came

Where you were no longer there

And I looked into the weed beds

Poison oak cradled just a fluff of your coat

I figured you, dissolved

And sent my blessings to the wind

.

Continuing

A few steps ahead

A small white object glistened

I came closer and what did I find

The only piece of you remaining

Were your teeth.

Laid out before me

As if to remind

As if to say Yes!

As if to say

Keep Me

This magick

It is Real

And so

Are you.

I rejoiced

Regardless of the wise critic inside

I made meaning

And scooped you up for my own

.

Thank you, Opossum

For the reminder

And for this piece of substance

It makes me feel real

It makes me feel real

It makes me feel

Real

This bone left beauty

It sings with your medicinal affirmation

Thank you, wild ones

For leaving me

Teeth

.

Opossum Spirit Medicine affirmations by Jessica Hagan:

• I matter.  I cannot be removed from existence. I am a major part of my environment, and my conduct affects others even if they do not acknowledge it.
• I do not have to be interesting to everyone.  I can learn to not attract certain people’s attention.
• I may feel invisible, but my existence is affecting every situation I am in.